by Abhishek Mukherjee

Sid Barnes was an Invincible. He was also one of the most singular men to have played Test cricket.

Let us start at the most obvious place – his birth. As per most official records, Barnes was born in 1916, at Annandale, a Sydney suburb. His military records, however, mention 1917. And in his autobiography, Barnes has suggested it was probably 1918 or 1919 – at Charters Town, Queensland. Go figure.

In Grade Cricket, Barnes played for Petersham. He once scored a hundred against Manly. When O'Reilly, present at the ground, congratulated the youngster, the response was prompt: "Thanks very much, you didn't bowl too badly yourself."

Barnes was the youngest member of the Australian side that toured England in 1938. Just before the ship halted at Gibraltar, Barnes fell on his left hand while performing some routine stretching exercises. He did not tell anyone: what if they found a return ship and Gibraltar and sent him back home?

In fact, he told nobody till the ship docked on British shores. It turned out to be a fracture that kept him out of cricket till end-June.

Soon after getting himself enlisted in the Second Australian Imperial Force in World War II, Barnes announced that the uniform did not fit him. He had to get new uniforms tailor-made.

He appealed for a release along with ace golfer Norman van Nida. The two of them started a company that manufactured tanks.

Australia boasted of an incredible middle-order after the war, but Bradman did not want to waste Barnes. He offered him the post of a long-term opener. Barnes accepted, and his partnership with Morris took off.

Barnes attracted controversy during the first Test of the 1946-47 Ashes, at The Gabba, by dropping a massive block of ice on the roof of the England dressing-room, causing a loud sound and a lot of commotion.

Barnes and Morris walked out after England were bowled out for 255 at Sydney. Morris fell early, and almost immediately Barnes began appealing for light after virtually every ball. This became so annoying that the crowd barracked him – this, despite the fact that Barnes was playing at his home ground for the first time.

Bradman was ill during the match, fighting an injured leg and a stomach bug. He came lower than usual, at 159/4. Soon he overtook Barnes and slammed 234 in a stand of 405. Barnes continued, reached 234, and threw his wicket away: "It wouldn’t be right for someone to make more runs than Sir Donald Bradman."

Barnes was not out at a break during the Melbourne Test. He left the ground to give complimentary tickets to two friends, and was stopped by turnstile attendant on his way back. Barnes jumped the turnstile and resumed batting.

When a member of the Board asked him to apologise, Barnes refused on the grounds that the alternative was absurd.

Barnes was obviously part of the 1948 touring party, where he got a poor decision against Leicestershire. Alec Skelding, the umpire, also turned down a few appeals made by the Australians.

Skelding was back for the match against Surrey. When a dog interrupted play, Barnes lured him with the ball, caught it, took it to Skelding, and commented that now that Skelding had a dog, all he needed was a white stick.

Skelding refused to "accept" the dog. Barnes persisted. Skelding left the ground. He later returned.

Australia had almost won the Test at Trent Bridge. With five runs remaining, Barnes glanced Bill Edrich for four, grabbed the leg-stump as souvenir, and sprinted back to the pavilion. He had miscalculated.

He obviously had to return, carrying the stump. To make things worse, Hassett, and not Barnes, hit the winning run.

Barnes placed a £8 bet at the odds of 15:1 that he would score a hundred at Lord's. He got a duck in the first innings but got 141 in the second (including a massive six off Laker that landed in the pavilion) to win his bet.

Barnes loved fielding at short leg. However, during the match against Essex, he fielded too close to the batsman – and continued with the habit. Now, in the Old Trafford Test, he caught George Emmett off Lindwall, but was hit on the chest twice, by Jack Crapp and Norman Yardley, both off Toshack. He could not hold on to either.

So far, so good. But when Dick Pollard walked out, Barnes moved even closer, standing almost on the pitch. Pollard pulled one from Johnson; it hit Barnes on the left ribcasge, and he collapsed. The Manchester crowd, who had barracked Barnes all day for standing so close, cheered.

Barnes had to be carried away by four policemen. He was sent to the Manchester Royal Infirmary He woke up with his left side paralysed. When Ken Mackay asked him about the incident, he told: "I had some Minties in my pocket when I got hit but I haven’t seen them since those policemen carried me off."

Barnes resumed batting at the nets next day. He joked with the photographers, but felt so weak that he had to rest on the running-board of a car.

But he batted. Australia were chasing 363, and Barnes walked out at 135/4. He shook hands with Pollard (obviously with a flourish), batted for half an hour, then fell on the pitch with a cry.

In an uncharacteristic display of emotions, Bradman walked on to the ground and helped carry Barnes off.

He earned the nickname Suicide Sid after that. If only they knew.

Barnes obviously missed the next Test at Headingley, but was back for the next Test at The Oval. He added 117 with Morris, got out, before getting out. He sprinted to the pavilion – because Bradman would be batting for the last time in Test cricket – and brought his new movie camera out.

Bradman famously fell for a two-ball duck amidst an almost universal emotional display. As the great man sat down to unbuckle his pads, Barnes did the same. He informed his captain that he had filmed his entire innings.

It had been Barnes' last innings, but he did not know this at that point.

Thanks to some business deals he signed in England, Barnes returned with some cash and cargo. The customs officers waited for him at Sydney, so he got off at Melbourne, travelled to Sydney by train, and sold the goods for an amount that almost matched his tour fee.

Later that year, in Bradman's testimonial match, Barnes took a miniature bat out of his pocket and took fresh guard, leaving the crowd in splits. He then retired from First-Class cricket.

He attempted a comeback in 1951-52 – they were yet to find a quality partner for Morris. He was even selected for the third Test against West Indies.

But now his past caught up. The Board brought multiple charges against him: for jumping the turnstile; during the Northamptonshire match, he had abducted twelfth man Toshack to play tennis; he photographed the Royal Family without permission; and he made a movie of the entire tour (again without permission) and showed it around Australia for charity.

One Jacob Raith sent a letter to the Daily Mirror, supporting the Board, citing Barnes' character as the responsible factor. Barnes sued Raith. He won.

Barnes stood down in the match against South Australia next season to provide opportunity to youngster Roy Flockton. However, he offered to act as twelfth man.

Now, during a drinks break, he took field dressed in a gray suit with a flower in the buttonhole. He donned dark glasses, had a towel folded over an arm, carried a portable radio, and was escorted by a uniformed steward. He brushed the players' clothes; held a mirror as he combed Miller's hair; sprayed everyone's armpits with deodorant; offered chocolates and cigars; and handed them towels soaked in ice-water.

Later in the day, he told in a press interview that he would provide even better services the next day.

Phil Ridings, the South Australian captain, complained. Barnes was asked to apologise. He did not bother. His board drafted an apology letter.

All this was mostly about cricket. When Ron Saggers’ daughter was diagnosed with polio, Alan Davidson paid the family a visit. The girl mentioned a "well-dressed man" coming to meet her and gifting an expensive talking doll.

"It had to be Sid", Davidson told the Sydney Morning Herald.

Why him? Because Barnes' generosity was near-legendary. When Davidson was picked for the 1953 Ashes tour, Barnes showed up with his bat and cabin trunk from 1948: "I know you’ve only got pennies but you’ll need these for England."

Barnes was there when Davidson's wife delivered their baby in a hospital. When they tried to pay the bill, they found out that it had already been paid. Barnes refused to take a penny.

Barnes took up journalism. He wrote for the Daily Express and the Daily Telegraph, and earned reputation for his directness and, obviously, his sense of humour.

During the 1950-51 Ashes he approached Cardus: "Look here, Neville, I’ve got an idea. What about me slipping a carbon paper into my copy today for you and you can do the same for me tomorrow. We both write the same sort of stuff."

Fingleton recalled that it was the only time he had seen Cardus unable to find a word.

And then came depression and bipolar disorder, followed by extensive treatment. He was not even sixty when he overdosed on barbiturates.

But let us return to Barnes the cricketer, who had some phenomenal numbers in his 13-Test career. He scored 1,072 runs at 63.05. Put a 10-Test restriction, and Bradman and Dempster are the only non-active batsmen to average more.

Remember, Barnes achieved this after being asked to move up the order. He also missed eight years of cricket.

Eight of his Tests were spread over the 1946-47 and 1948 Ashes. He scored 772 runs in these, at 77.20, marginally more than Bradman's 77.16.

Small sample? But then, Barnes scored 8,333 First-Class runs at 54.11 with 26 hundreds.

Sid Barnes was born on 5 June 1916. Or 1917. Or 1918. Or 1919. It does not matter.