by Arunabha Sengupta

No cricket.

Past pictures and videos shared to the veritable limits. Even drabbest 132-run days rhapsodized as epics, the most pedestrian of Toms, Dicks, Harrys of pre-satellite-TV-days bestowed the aura of the Trumpers, Donalds and Hammonds.

You are on the verge of abstinence, sabbatical even renunciation. About to inflict social distancing on the game itself. About to step into cricketing celibacy.

And then suddenly, from across the deserted expanses of the outfield and the empty seats in the stands, it hits you. The cause of the impasse may be the deadliest pandemic in living memory, but it comes with 11 letters.

You get busy doing what any self-respecting cricket addict should.

The task, however, is not just to rattle off names of eleven cricketers with those letters. They must deserve their respective places. And the true challenge lies in choosing them in a logical batting order.

Hence, there has to be constraints. Jacob Oram cannot bat at No 4 of an All-time XI, can he? Neither can Daniel Vettori come ahead of Imran Khan. I cannot ask Dilip Vengsarkar or Gundappa Viswanath to bat at No 7, after the designated wicket-keeper. I can perhaps do that to Michael Vaughan, but only because the resulting expression on his face would make my day.

And before you ask, one of the rules of cricket databases is that Pakistani cricketers are ordered according to first names. Here in CricMash we do that not for all Pakistani cricketers, but for the ones—Pakistani or otherwise—with extremely common last names, such as Khan or Mohammad or Ahmed or Singh. Hence, we are not cheating by choosing Imran.

So, here goes.

Alastair Cook unfortunately loses out to Herbie Collins. The batting average of horse-shoe is rather better, and he did lose all those years to the Great War. Besides, I would like to go for a right-left combination.
Since Leo O’Brien is the best partner I can give them, I would go for the right-handed Collins. O’Brien did not really do much in the only Test he opened the innings, but he did pretty decently as an opener for Victoria once Woodfull and Ponsford called time on their careers.

I don’t think there will be much issue with the man who comes in at No 3. Viv Richards hardly ever needs justification.

With Norman O’Neill at No 4 and Dudley Nourse at No 5, it is a pretty handy middle order. Seymour Nurse, however, loses out to a batsman with a significantly better record.

Les Ames is a great man to keep wickets and bat at No 6. Not only does he average 40 in Test cricket, he has more than hundred first-class centuries.

Tom Veivers can perhaps be looked at as the weak link in the line-up. But as an off-spinner with a more than decent Test record as a batsman he comes in due to the logical constraints. As explained, one cannot have Vengsarkar or Vaughan batting at No 7, while Vettori cannot come in ahead of Imran. Veivers is the most logical fit in this slot.

Imran of course will bat, bowl and lead the side. This choice itself can make the team go … er, viral.

The bowling quite nearly chooses itself.

Andy Roberts, Derek Underwood and Fred Spofforth, together with Imran, form an attack as deadly as the virus itself.

Of course, we could perhaps have had Mohinder Amarnath, Daniel Vettori and Imtiaz Ahmed as 6, 7, 8, still maintaining a semblance of logical batting order … but two left-arm spinners make the bowling attack less varied. And weaker in both the departments underlining the value Imran brings to the team. Besides, Vettori will perhaps be batting a slot too high.
Jimmy Adams, Daniel Vettori and Intikhab Alam is another option, perhaps the more apt as far as batting positions go. However, in spite of being the wicketkeeper in 26 ODIs, Adams wore the big gloves in just seven first-class matches and none of his 54 Tests.

Hence, I will go with the following team:

Collins, Herbie

O’Brien, Leo

Richards, Viv

O’Neill, Norm

Nourse, Dudley

Ames, Les (wk)

Veivers, Tom

Imran Khan (c)

Roberts, Andy

Underwood, Derek

Spofforth, Fred