by Abhishek Mukherjee
Even the most basic student of cricket history knows two things about Patsy Hendren, who was born Feb 5, 1889.
First, he was an all-time great batsman. Only Hobbs had scored more First-Class hundreds than his 170, and only Hobbs and Woolley had more runs. Hendren also averaged 48 across 51 Tests, 24 of which came after he turned forty, thanks to the first World War.
Hendren was also the first to wear a proper protective headgear – a cap with three peaks – way back in 1933, to handle Martindale and Constantine.
But let me stick to some examples of Hendren's terrific sense of humour here.
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Not the most handsome of men, Hendren was once fielding in the deep in Australia. The barrackers invariably started: "What did they send you out for? Your good looks?"
The response was prompt. He pointed at a random location in the crowd and yelled: "There's one uglier than me!"
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Yet another story from Australia.
Hendren and his teammates were vacationing on Australian beach, probably between matches or on a rest day.
A group of boys were playing cricket. They asked him to join the match. While Hendren was already a superstar by then, they were not quite familiar with his face in the age of grainy black-and-white photographs. Moreover, what were the odds?
Hendren was game. He held the bat the wrong way. Some "experts" playing in the match asked him to alter his grip.
Fine. Now Hendren hit a couple of massive hits, eventually ending the match with one that went to an irretrievable part of the sea.
One of the kids, who had probably heard of Hendren's sense of humour, got suspicious. He suggested that it might be the match himself.
His mates burst into laughter. "If he is Hendren, I am Charlie McCartney," exclaimed one of them.
It was an exhibition that authentic.
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Once, while fielding, Hendren realised that the match was going into a stage of lull, so he decided to imitate Hammond while fielding. Hammond was as stylish as he was grumpy – in other words, the perfect target.
The imitation was so brilliant that the crowd roared into laughter. An infuriated Hammond threw the ball at Hendren.
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A strategic one, then? Alf Gover had made quite a name as a rising fast bowler. An ageing Hendren had a word with Gover before they met the first time.
Hendren had a plea for Gover: "Well, be careful of how you bowl at me. I’m not as young as I used to be, and I don’t like fast bowling too much."
It worked. As expected, Gover unleashed a bouncer barrage, and Hendren toyed with him, his onslaught even hitting a six into the Mound Stand. A suspicious Hobbs had a word with Gover before the next ball.
Hobbs: Why are you bowling bouncers at Mr Hendren, son?
Gover: Because he doesn’t like fast bowling.
Hobbs: Who on earth told you that?
Gover: He did, Mr Hobbs.
Hobbs: Then I am telling you that Pat is still as good a player of fast bowling as anyone I know. And what’s more, young man, I’d remind you he’s an Irishman and every night he kisses the Blarney Stone.
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One of my favourite Hendren anecdotes does not involve him. This was something he had once told Mailey.
Hendren was returning to London from north after a match. Opposite him on the train was a pale, miserable-looking youth, desperately clutching on to his coat collar.
Hendren: What's wrong with you?
Boy (in a hoarse whisper): I've come from a cricket match.
Hendren: I thought you had come from a hospital. What were you doing at a cricket match?
Boy: Playing.
Hendren: Playing?
Boy: Yes, playing, and I was bowled first ball.
Hendren: Bowled first ball? That wasn’t too nice.
Boy: That’s not all. I dropped four catches.
Hendren: Four catches! Well, I've been playing cricket a long time, but if I dropped four catches I think I’d cut my throat.
Boy: I have.
Then he loosened his grip on his collar.